It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. – Charles Dickens
Which happens to describe my experience living in London and New York perfectly. I think back to the state in which I arrived to both of these two cities. The technical differences outweigh the similarities, and yet in retrospect I think my intentions ran parallel on both ventures.
First, we have London. I usually plan out my next step at least a year {sometimes two} in advance. Heartbreak initiated my move to London, nearly 18 months before I ever arrived. My plan to move to Europe developed from a previous plan to {wait for it} move to New York City. At the time, moving to New York just didn’t feel right. I wanted a grander adventure that would keep me on the move. Being held hostage within the walls of the concrete jungle wasn’t something I desired at the time.
When I left Australia in 2014 and returned to California, I worked two jobs {normally 7 days a week}, and lived at home in order to save money, and eventually move overseas.
Cue London.
February 2016 came around and I purchased my one way ticket. You can read more about my arrival here, from my first ever blog post literally titled ‘Arrival’. How precious, right? But, it wasn’t. The truth of the matter was, I was detained in customs for nearly five hours… So, while my arrival to this new city was less than welcoming, I quickly offered up my forgiveness. I immediately felt comfortable in London – back roads, riding the tube, lonely cafes, quiet cobble-stoned alleyways, rowdy pubs. In every stranger, I felt a connection. Around every corner, I felt at home.
Overall, I was happy. Like, that content feeling you receive after a shower, moisturizing, pouring a glass of wine, and catching up on the latest episode of {insert favorite show here}. My entire life felt like one long night in sweat pants. My stress levels were at an all time low, and my confidence was always on the rise.
However my life was not, by any means, perfect. I was struggling to keep a long distance relationship afloat {spoiler alert, it didn’t work out}, I had three young boys to corral each and every day, my health suffered at times. Regardless, I would give anything to be back in that place of my life again.
London changed the world around me.
The opportunities available to me were infinite, and suddenly the globe felt a lot smaller. My mind was working at it’s maximum capacity as I began drafting new dreams. I realized how much of this world I have yet to discover, and I didn’t want to waste any time. It was a feeling of invincibility. But alas, none of us are invincible.
When I returned home from Europe in 2017, I was once again, heartbroken. While London had changed the world around me, my own world had crumbled right in front of my eyes. And with every wrong turn in life, we must recalculate our route and keep on moving.
Cue New York.
I felt so defeated upon returning to California. Unlike my calculated move to London, my move to New York was spontaneous and a bit impulsive. It was quite out of character for me – which ultimately was more of a reason to do it.
Also unlike London, my arrival to New York was, dare I say it? Easy? I was welcomed with arms wide open to the city that never sleeps. That being said, all the optimism in the world couldn’t prepare me for what was to come. There was never a moment of belonging in New York. I was back home in my own country, and yet, I felt more like an outsider than ever before. Sure, I made some lifelong friends, I fell in love with aspects of the city, and sobbed when I eventually left my apartment for the last time.
New York {once again} changed the world around me.
I started to understand, and process, the less-desirable aspects of life. New York was the biggest reality check I’ve ever received. The city revealed the ugly truth about life, love, and what it means to be happy. I witnessed things I thought were only exaggerated by Hollywood in shows and films. I fell victim to the grind of bring overworked, under appreciated, and simply exhausted. New York forced me to constantly observe people in new light, and reflect on my own glare in the mirror. I made questionable decisions – and eventually felt… nothing. With each day, my shell grew a bit thicker. The rumors are true guys – it’s as tough, gritty, and reckless as they say.
Upon leaving London, I wrote the city a love letter {here}. I was truly heartbroken. Nothing about leaving London felt comfortable. All I wanted to do was immediately turn around, miss my flight, and walk out of Heathrow airport. London was my favorite hook in my favorite song. It was the only place {other than California}, that felt like home.
Upon leaving New York, I also addressed a letter to the city {here}, though this time dripping in lust. It’s only now after I’ve left New York, that I can fully appreciate the love/hate relationship I shared with the city. Nearly every single resident of New York has a similar experience in regards to the relationship they have with the concrete jungle. It’s a city full of dreams, that quickly feel out of reach. New York is such a tease – and one we love to hate. Ironically, I just heard a new song {on New Music Friday obvi} by Louis The Child called ‘The City’ which reiterates everything I’ve said here today.
Both of these cities molded me into the person I am today. London gave me hope, aspirations, and a new home. New York toughened me up, allowed me to be completely honest with myself, and challenged me to grow. This tale of two cities has lead me to my current home: Daegu, South Korea. Unlike either of these cities, Daegu has provided me with an opportunity to breathe. And let me tell you, I’m inhaling as often as possible.
I have done some serious reflecting since arriving in Asia. I am interested to see what type of letter I will eventually write to Daegu at the end of this adventure. As always, I have plans for my future cultivating at the forefront of my mind. They include returning to California for a short {but longer than usual} period of time, before eventually hitting the road again. And by hitting the road, I hope we can all translate that by now to, moving abroad. I’ve got Europe on my mind again – as always,
watch this space.