LIFE AS AN EXPAT: THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY

It’s easy to stumble upon an Instagram account filled with dreamy travel photos and immediately become envious. It’s just as easy to jump to conclusions and assume that these people get to travel the world, and therefore are living the dream. To some extent this is true – they are living the dream, or at least version of it. But it’s not the whole story. 

I am an expat {short for expatriate} living in Daegu, South Korea. For those of you that do not know what an expatriate is, it can be defined as simply as someone living outside of their native country. In the past, I have also been an expat in London, New Zealand, and Australia.

I lead a relatively normal life here in Korea. I go to work from 8:30 AM – 4:30 PM Monday through Friday, and then juggle laundry, bills, cooking, cleaning, socializing, working out, staying in touch with friends and family back home, and blogging once I get home. Pretty standard stuff, right?

And yet the world around me is absolutely foreign. I can neither speak, nor read, the local language. I don’t look like anyone within miles of my home, and the simplest of tasks suddenly require a substantial amount of energy.

With all of this being said, you would never gather that from simply glancing at my Instagram account. My photos are all aesthetically pleasing to the eye, I only share the best shots from that day, and it comes across as if all I ever do it travel to new destinations and take pictures. That being said, I do typically disclose a dose of reality in the captions of said photos. However, not everyone reads captions, especially if they are browsing an account for the very first time.

As with anything in life, you’ll come across the good, the bad, and the ugly while living as an expat. Today, I wanted to share a bit of all three. The non-filtered version of being an expat, if you will.

The Good

Gaining Independence

The most important thing I have gained from living as an expat is independence. When you move to a foreign country alone, you are forced to rely on yourself more often than not. I will admit, in most of my endeavors as an expat, I was lucky enough to have some form of help: whether that be a friend, an employer, or a distant relative. Even so, there are many instances where I’ve had to fend for myself. Whether it be learning how to transfer money internationally, connecting the internet in my apartment, applying for a job in a foreign country, and even simple things like grocery shopping.

I’ve always enjoyed the presence of my own company, which comes in handy as an expat. When you are forced to spend a copious amount of time on your own, you also learn to be mentally independent. I now prefer alone time when I travel. Give me a good book, a journal, and a camera – I’m set. Learning to be independent has provided me with freedom, and that’s priceless.

The Ability to Handle Anything

Living as an expat has allowed me to feel as though I can handle anything life throws my way. The amount of life lessons I’ve learned in the last five years is substantial. I’ve found myself in problematic situations that some people won’t experience in a lifetime – and yet I live to tell the tale. You’ll read about some of these examples later on, however I figured I would list a few others for good measure:

That one time… I lost my passport in London.

That one time… I was stuck in Belize because of a hurricane.

That one time… there was a drive by shooting at my apartment in New York.

That one time... I left critically important bank documentation on a bus in Korea.

That one time… I was threatened by an Air Bnb host in Paris {read more here}.

That one time… my bags got lost for 48 hours in Madrid.

That one time… I was stuck on a bus in the Berlin Airport parking lot during a bomb threat.

All of these instances forced me to react with good judgment and a clear mind. Although none of these situations were pleasant to experience, I learned a tremendous amount because of them. Knowing that I survived {I know, so dramatic – relax Rachel} these experiences gives me confidence, and relieves stress. I apply what I’ve learned from them in my day to day life. Things that used to appear daunting, now feel mildly annoying. Things that would set me into panic in the past, now seem manageable.

A Global Education

After living in multiple destinations around the world, I’m slowly acquiring a global education. Obviously, I have plenty more of the world to see, but with each new country I visit, I am adding to my personal knowledge bank. There are so many things the world can teach us, that will never be found in a textbook. Empathy, understanding, compassion, humility: these are lessons only garnered from experience. It’s important to accept that people live differently all around the globe – and there isn’t a single right way to do so. I always talk about eventually going back to school, but I am starting to realize I’ve been a student all along.

A Sense of Self

At 27 years old, I can proudly take full responsibility for who I am becoming as a woman. This doesn’t necessarily mean I comprehend my entire life’s purpose at this point, but living abroad as an expat has helped me understand who I want to be. I find out more and more about myself with each passport stamp.  I’ve discovered many of my strengths, as well as my weaknesses, while living overseas. I am proud of who I am, and forgive myself for my mistakes. I value myself, and believe I am worthy of never having to settle. You can’t put a price on self-respect, and I wouldn’t trade any of my experiences up until this point, because of it.

The People

And of course, the best part about globetrotting is the people I come in contact with. I have made lifelong friends over the past five years. Life as an expat has taught me to make the most of any friendship that comes my way. There is something remarkable about the bond you form with fellow expats. Our lives are anything but conventional, which can make it hard to connect with individuals focused on a more traditional lifestyle. Even with my closest friends from home supporting my every move, I still manage to feel disconnected to them in some ways. That’s why it’s so important to have people in your corner that understand your mindset, and can make you feel a little less alone on the “road less traveled”.  And the people I’ve met abroad are some of the most intelligent, open-minded, humorous, easy-going individuals I’ve ever come across.

The Bad

FOMO {Fear of Missing Out}

Constantly witnessing your friends and family enjoying events and social gatherings without you, is one of the hardest parts about living abroad. Sure, my lifestyle over the past 5 years has allowed me to partake in some pretty incredible things, but for 22 years prior to that, my life revolved around some pretty incredible humans. It’s never the event itself that I miss, but more so the people in attendance. God forbid their lives continue on when I leave, right? Regardless, it doesn’t make it any easier. I miss wine nights with my best girlfriends, BBQ’s with my parents, and any excuse to get together with my fellow college alums. These days, all it takes is my mom showing me a  caprese salad on the dinner table via FaceTime, and FOMO is in full gear.

{Actually} missing important events back home

This year my best friend of 22 years got engaged. Luckily, her {now} fiance was kind enough to involve me in the proposal process from the beginning. While I was still living in the states, I was able to view the ring before he proposed, and talk details about the entire day. When the special day arrived, however, I was already living in Korea. When I answered her FaceTime the afternoon of the proposal, all I wanted to do was hug her, cry tears of happiness, and pop a bottle of champagne. Instead, I was left somewhat empty when I hung up the phone, knowing she would be celebrating such a huge milestone without me.

Now, not all important events are positive ones. Sometimes these are the ones I want to be home for most. For example, one of my family members was diagnosed with cancer right after I left for Korea. It’s moments like this that make me question my lifestyle. Being away from loved ones when they need support most, makes me feel guilty and unsettled. Occasionally, I want to throw my hands up and declare, “It’s not worth it”.

Lack of a Love Life

A less important topic, but certainly not an easier one to crack, is my love life as an expat. As you can imagine, I find it difficult to hold a romantic relationship when I’m living abroad. First of all, every one of my relationships has a timeline. This is partially my own doing – actually it’s 100% my own doing. I rarely stay anywhere for longer than a year. In fact, I don’t remember the last time I lived anywhere for longer than a year, abroad or not. Therefore, I make the conscious choice to steer clear of anything serious in an attempt to avoid a relationship progressing.

I’m sure we could all take the time to unpack that for what it really is, however this is what I’ve convinced myself of thus far. Long distance is no longer a plausible option in my life – point blank. I will never do it again. Aside from that, in terms of travel, I don’t plan on slowing down anytime soon. Therefore, my options include staying somewhere for longer than a year {unlikely}, inviting someone to travel the world with me {somewhat plausible}, or waiting until I am ready to return to California {long-term} and meeting someone then {most likely}.

I am not concerned in the slightest about marriage, buying a house, and starting a family. I am, however, hopeful I will meet a life partner that I can share my world with – whatever that may look like.

Instability

My life has always felt a bit off-balance. I constantly forget when my last doctor’s visit was for {x, y, x}, I always have multiple forms of international ID’s I’m responsible for, I never know if I’ve filed my taxes correctly, I don’t have an {active} IRA, my resume is all over the place, my possessions can literally all fit into a single suitcase {and a carry-on}, my bank account is nothing to brag about, and my five-year plan changes every other day.

Life as an expat isn’t for the faint of heart. I’ve had to push a lot of my anxieties aside over the years in order to survive, and more importantly thrive, in this lifestyle. It takes a lot of going with the flow, moving onward and upward, and letting things roll off your back.  There are days {and plenty of them} when I dream of having a beautifully decorated apartment in Southern California, a steady income, a fluid routine, a group of friends to attend weekly happy hour with, and maybe even a dog to keep me company. At times, I want to pack up my {one} suitcase, move home, apply for grad school, and dive into building a ‘safe’ career.

But alas, as Selena Gomez says, ‘the heart wants what it wants’. And the idea of giving up my life as an expat is laughable when I truly think about it. At the moment, I do want the reality of living abroad and continuing to explore the world. Regardless of the fleeting moments focused around home decor and a decent closet. Plus, there is plenty of time for routine – no need to rush it.

Always Being an Outsider

I applaud expats that decide to remain in a foreign country for multiple years, and occasionally, a lifetime. While it can be amusing to be the foreigner for a while, it’s daunting when you realize you’ll hold that title for the rest of your life. I had an exceptionally difficult time with this when I moved to New Zealand after university. There was constantly pressure to meet new friends – after all I had moved to New Zealand forever {or so I thought}.

I found myself connecting with people on a surface level, but constantly craved a deeper understanding from someone. Safe to say, I got into my own head and became a shell of myself – which obviously didn’t help me out socially. I was too young at the time to imagine the rest of my life on foreign soil.

Five years, and 27 countries later, I find it easier to connect with people from all over the world. For example, the majority of my friends in Korea are from the UK and South Africa. Regardless, I know I’ll always be an outsider in Korea, as will they. The only feasible country I could see myself living long-term now {other than the states}, is the United Kingdom.

The Ugly

Detainment at Customs

This may not have been as relevant ten odd years ago, however immigration is a hot topic at the moment all over the world, and the chances of being stopped by customs is increasing. Flashback to Heathrow Airport, February 2016. I had just taken two flights traveling from California, to begin my year-long travel journey around the UK and beyond. Wide-eyed {okay more like glossy eyed} and fearless {also, not really true but I had somehow believed this to be so}, I approached the woman at the UK border.

I had all of my documents prepared and I was more than willing to answer any question she may have. My confidence was enough to make her raise an eyebrow. Without going into too many personal details, she was unhappy about the information she received. A quick radio call turned into holding me to the side of the border patrol line which then turned to me being detained in a separate customs department which eventually led to interrogations and a lot of down time while I waited to find out whether or not I was going to be deported.

There were tears, fears, and many a fingerprint documented that day. I wound up being detained for close to five hours. I was eventually allowed to stay {thanks a lot Heathrow, cue eye roll} THAAAANK GOD. But now I assume you must all be thinking I have a criminal record. Or some other ghastly thing that would enable the UK border patrol to keep me hostage.

The simple fact remained that I was not a criminal, I simply wanted to visit the land across the pond. However, I do not blame them for doing their job. Towards the end of my visa, I was thinking of every which way I could muster up a few more months in the country. In the end, maybe they should have deported me. Because now my #lifegoalz are geared towards finding a way back to London. And I am sure customs will have a field day once they see my eager face again.

Getting Robbed

Depending on where you are traveling to, this may be more or less relevant. However, bad things happen everywhere you go, so it’s always good to be prepared.  While celebrating turning a quarter of a century in Bali, Indonesia, my hotel room was ‘broken into’ and I had some possessions stolen. I use the term ‘broken into’ loosely seeing as the door to my villa was left unlocked by *cough, cough* me. And that’s embarrassing. Lesson number one: no matter how fancy, secure, or secluded your hotel may feel, always lock your doors.

I didn’t expect someone to have access to my private villa, but I woke up in the morning to find my sliding glass door fully open. My partner at the time had a few major possessions stolen which landed us at the Ubud Police Station for half an afternoon as we attempted to translate the events that took place leading up to the robbery. Luckily, we both had travel insurance which covered many of the missing items.

Falling Extremely Ill

If you are traveling for an extended period of time, it is almost inevitable that you are going to fall ill at some point. Consider yourself lucky if it happens to just be a cold. During a year abroad, I experienced severe eczema, a blistering heat rash, food poisoning, a staph infection, and multiple colds. These were spread out over Indonesia, the United Kingdom, and Australia. Luckily for me, Australia and the United Kingdom have great health care options and I was seen and treated within an afternoon. In Indonesia, I was in the middle of an island without access to decent health care. Don’t get me wrong, I was forever grateful for the small pharmacy that provided me with temporary relief. However, I had a pretty miserable holiday overall. You can read more about that here.

You can find more of my travel fails here.

Personally, the good undoubtedly outweighs the negative aspects of being an expat {hence why I continue to live abroad}. For me, the best part of living as an expat is learning a little more about myself with every new country I touch down in. I don’t know if I’ll choose to sustain this lifestyle forever, but for now I’m happy and healthy. And what more could you ask for?