CONCRETE JUNGLE WHERE DREAMS ARE MADE OF… JUST NOT MINE

I’ve anticipated writing this blog post for months now. I’ve known the title. I’ve mapped out what I would like to say. And I knew actually sitting down to get it down on ‘paper’ would be bittersweet. Well, here we are.

I’ve wanted to move to New York City ever since I can remember. It has been the ‘ultimate dream‘ of mine, so to speak. And I almost followed through with this dream a few years back. But something about it didn’t feel right at the time. My life took another path, eventually leading me to magical London. And I am forever grateful for my intuition in pointing me in the direction of the place I now consider a second home.

Last year in London, I was so confident. With myself, with my decisions, and with where my life was heading. And then, as the year progressed, I began to feel less and less confident about each and every aspect of my life. I thought I knew myself. And I thought I knew how my life would play out {in a general sense} over the coming years.

But alas, the world had other plans for me.

And suddenly, around this time last year, I was left with a choice. And I chose New York.

It was one of the most impulsive, but completely foreseeable, decisions I’ve ever made. I purchased a one way ticket, and two weeks later I was on my way to the east coast with no job, no place to live, and absolutely no way to prepare for what the concrete jungle would have in store for me.

It was around this time that I had also made a vow to dedicate 2017 to ‘The Year of Me‘. I think we all have moments in life that challenge us in a way that only we can save ourselves. Subconsciously, I was aware at this point in my life, that I needed a reality check. A wake up call.

And ohhhhh did New York deliver.

I completely committed to focusing on myself this year. And let me tell you, when you fully allow yourself to be honest with the person in the mirror, your life transforms.

I became so much more aware of my ambitious nature this year. I grew even more confident in my independence. My ability to accomplish goals I set for myself was reinforced this year. I know what I want from a relationship, and I know what I can bring to the table.

And how lovely is that?

Bu again, when you commit to getting reaaaaal honest with yourself, you may discover more than you want to know.

There were so many things in the past that I was unable, or more so unwilling, to accept about myself. And that’s fine. They call it growing up for a reason. It’s an ongoing process. But twenty six years later, I am able to ‘face the demons’ as they say. And let’s be honest, my ‘demons’ are pretty timid mofo’s.

But there are things about myself that I am less than pleased to admit. Attitudes, choices, and judgments that have been less than noble.

Pledging to soul search is tough. Emotionally, physically, and mentally.

Then plop yourself in New York City.

A non-forgiving city, lacking empathy, ready to kick you while you are down {though to be fair, this would likely be accidental, as they simply would not notice to you lying on the ground in the first place}.

Truthfully, I have had some pretty breathtaking moments in New York City this year. Like real, eyes watering, breath leaving your body, ‘Is this real life?’ moments. But that comes with the territory when a dream comes to fruition.

However, I have had an overwhelming amount of real ‘WTF’ moments here in New York City this year. And these haven’t all been at the fault of this wonderful city.  I have obviously been tackling quite a lot on a personal level this year, and that gets messy. No matter where you are geographically.

So I must emphasize that my choice to leave New York City is not completely at the fault of the city itself.

I mean, some of it is. The ‘everyone out for themselves, dog eat dog world’ attitude does not vibe with me. The aesthetic of the city is not my favorite. And the fact you cannot purchase wine at grocery stores. THAT’S GONNA BE A NO FROM ME DAWG.

Ultimately, I am exhausted. In every way a person can exhaust themselves. I need a change of pace. I want to focus my energy into other areas of my life. I need a new purpose this upcoming year. To hit the refresh button.

And so, I am moving back to California!

…. at least for now. 

Anyone that knows me, knows that I usually have something up my sleeve. And this instance is no exception. I believe in waiting for plans to solidify before sharing with the class, but as always, watch this space for updates.

There have been so many ups and downs this year. And not much blogging {one of my favorite outlets}. If anything, that tells me enough to know I need a change. I know I’ve said it about forty seven times this year, but blog posts are coming. A ‘lust letter’ to the big apple, snippets about my most recent visit to LONDON {!!!!}, and {hopefully} an introduction to Central America via Belize and Guatemala. I am about to have a lot of time on my hands, and I couldn’t be happier about creating content once again {insert external sigh of relief here}.

I plan on spending my last couple of weeks in New York wrapping up last minute sightseeing, toasting champagne with all the new friends I’ve made here on the east coast, and praying for at least one more snow fall.